Divorce is stressful enough in its own right. But it can be a literal rollercoaster of emotion when you and your ex don’t even agree about anything, from who gets the house to who pays for what.
But the good news is a few beneficial legal tools can help it go more smoothly and are less burdensome for ordinary folks like you and me. You can own your hands and defend yourself even in the worst situations.
Below are some of my favorite tips for getting through a high-stakes divorce
Make sure You Get the Best Divorce Attorney.
I know lawyers seem scary and expensive. But if you have a reasonable family attorney, especially when things aren’t going well with your ex, they can help tremendously.
It would help if you had an attorney who has handled only such cases so you will know the tricks and be the sound bite when you are ready to pull your hair out. It would help to have someone who "gets" what you are going through.
The lawyer who knows what he’s doing will:
- Convey the law in idiomatic language.
- Handle communication and negotiations so you don’t have to.
- Get a fair outcome in the facts!
Let’s say you have an NFL quarterback looking out for you; the entire exercise becomes more accessible.
Keep Track of Everything
He-said, she-said is the name of the game in a divorce involving conflict. It is for that reason that proper recordkeeping is vital. Write down every conversation, text, email, etc., the gypsy with your ex.
Take notes about:
- Times you met/spoke with.
- The way the conversation ended.
- Agreements and decisions made.
Besides, write:
- Any threats or intimidation.
- Refusal to back down.
- Assets/Finances statements.
Even write down real-life conversations for evidence. I know it sounds ridiculous and a bit mean. Documentation is the crucial weapon your attorney needs.
Set Some Serious Boundaries
When the horns are off, you'll have to put shit at your ex's communication. Limit discussions to fundamental divorce-related matters. Stop making irrelevant arguments.
Here are some rules of thumb:
- Keep speeches brief and friendly.
- Remain with email or text.
- Outsource your in-person/phone negotiations to lawyers.
- Calmly cut off the conversation if it gets too heated.
Having these hard limits helps you keep things from overheating and allows you time.
See if Divorce Mediation Could Work
I know what you’re thinking- "Mediate my crazy ex-spouse? But hear me out on this. Mediation has successfully helped countless couples in conflict agree.
Then follow the following process:
- A neutral intermediary guides the debate.
- The emphasis remains on trade-off fixes.
- Both spouses say what they want respectfully.
- No verbal abuse and accusation permitted.
Mediation urges you to have healthy conversations. And it’s quicker and cheaper than arguing in court. Think about trying it with your attorney.
Take A Joint Divorce
Co-facilitative divorce, like mediation, recruit attorneys for spouses who negotiate out of court. It sounds wild, but it works!
In joint divorce:
- Every ex has an attorney.
- The lawyers strive for win-win outcomes.
- Everybody agrees to negotiate honestly.
- Information is shared – and discussed openly and constructively.
With an advocate, this keeps the hammer on the cogs. When collaborating on divorce, sometimes you can develop solutions you both can tolerate.
Don’t Sweat the Small Things
Once things get heated with divorce, it’s so tempting to obsess about "winning" every little spat. Don’t do it!
Stay focused on the big things you care about, such as:
- A reasonable time for custody.
- Retaining the house or the one you love.
- Locking in your pensions.
Drop the trifles and free your energy for the heavy fighting. When your ex makes a slew of tiny complaints, bring the topic back to the big issues.
Take Care Emotionally
The trauma of a conflict divorce can hammer your feelings like no other. Do not burn out taking care of your mental health.
Count on friends who will just listen. Speak to a therapist. Go to a divorce support group. Write, breathe, and move. So, do whatever’s healthy and makes you OK.
Protecting your emotional health allows you to feel confident and make the right decisions while battling the divorce BS. Don’t forget to take care of yourself!
Final Thoughts
These are some advice on making high-conflict divorce a little more bearable for ordinary people like you and me.
Keep your chin up, establish limits, take everything down, seek good counsel, and take care of the big stuff, not the little things. And look after yourself!
The divorce process can be a new way of a better life. But it’s only if you’ve got a plan in place that you end up coming out of it keeping your head above water and your priorities straight.
Disclaimer:
The content provided on this blog is for general informational purposes only and is not intended to constitute legal advice. Laws and regulations are complex, frequently subject to change, and may vary depending on jurisdiction. As such, readers should not act upon or rely on any information presented on this blog without first consulting with a qualified and licensed attorney who can address and tailor guidance to your unique legal circumstances.
