For so long, custody for fathers meant a weekends-only possession schedule or otherwise limited parenting time. But shifting family dynamics have wrought a sea change in the outcome of custody cases.
The odds of a father securing full custody are on the rise. Fathers accounted for 25 percent of custodial parents in 2022, an increase from 20 percent in 2018, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.
Yet full custody for fathers is much less common than full custody for mothers. Whether they are so because of sexism against fathers is a controversial matter. But as a practical matter, most courts favor joint custody between both parents.
Child custody cases — not so different when battling dads are involved. Nearly all the tips below remain applicable in this circumstance.
In most situations, fathers desiring full custody can anticipate a custody battle. They will need to establish that they can make a case their child to thrive living primarily under their care.
Visualize your schedule. Get a written parenting plan. Figure out the amount of parenting time you have.
The Rights of Mothers Vs Fathers
Parents have the same rights to custody of the children — if they are legally declared to be the child’s parents.
Mothers are the presumed legal parents of children they bear, regardless of marital status. Unwed fathers need to first establish paternity. Before seeking full custody, you should obtain proof that you are the child’s biological (or legal) father. In many states, there may not even be a case if you do not know who the father is.
Courts may not favor a parent because of gender. However, the standard of the best interest of the child tends to favor mothers more than fathers because women are mothers so they are the ones who care for the children. Parental fitness is at issue in a father’s custody battle.
We should however note that bias is more prevalent in some countries than others. For instance, in a great many cases the courts in Ireland favour mothers.
How to get child custody as a father
For there is no larger influence between fathers and mothers than that of the parent whose case is more persuasive to the court. Here are some suggestions for how a father can increase his chances of obtaining custody.
Prepare a parenting plan
Most fathers — and mothers, too — have much to gain from working out a parenting plan with their ex. The plan, if approved by a judge, is the last custody order.
If a mother agrees to sign a plan giving you full custody, you can save tens of thousands of dollars by avoiding a trial.
If the mother is not open to sharing custody, see if you can agree to joint custody in a plan. The court is likely to award this in any event where both parents are competent parents and want custody, so an agreement can get you ahead of the curve.
If you can’t reach an agreement on a parenting plan, pursue some form of alternative dispute resolution, such as mediation, in which a third party will assist you in reaching a compromise.
When you can’t settle a plan, bringing one to court is a good way to demonstrate that you’ve thought through how the sharing of parenting and visitation will go.
Building a close child relationship
This also involves jurisdictional questions in court where you’ll have to answer the question of how close you are to your child. Be sure to know what grade level they are on, the teachers who make them smile, their interests and other specifics that let them know you’re an active part of their life.
Even if you are not allowed to see the kid’s mother, try to somehow develop you relationship with the child. Any evidence that the mother obstructed this dynamic could be useful in defending your case.
The child’s own wishes are considered in some states when deciding child custody. The more the child knows you, the more comfortable they will feel being with you longer.
Show you are fit to raise your child
Who has been the child’s primary caregiver will be taken into account by the court.
If you haven’t done so already, begin handling jobs that a caretaker would do to demonstrate to the court that you can, in fact, fill those shoes. Keep a diary to write down how you have taken care of your child — say, feeding or taking the baby to doctor’s appointments.
And also show the court that you have the time and commitment that is required for full custody. If you work, arrange reliable childcare.
You might want character reference letters from friends and family members and others who can attest to what you’ve done (or attempted to do) for your child.
Have space in your home for your child
The courts are going to want to make sure: The child will have a safe place to live. Set up a bedroom for your child and snap photos to show in court. If you have a baby or toddler, you’ll also need to baby-, or childproof your space.
Financially assist your child
Purchase Essentials For Your Child, Be Prepared. You are responsible for your child even if they don’t live with you.
If you have a court order to pay child support, then make your child support payment on time. If you are having difficulty paying, request a change in the amount.
Keep receipts for every purchase and child support payment in the event the other parent says you didn’t pay them anything.
Keep records of visitation
Create a schedule for when you spend time with your child. If the child’s mother won’t allow visits, preserve evidence (text messages, etc.) to demonstrate how she’s disrupted your relationship with your child.
Be kind to your ex
Since conflict is bad for children, the judge will view you more favorably if you make even a token effort to get along with your ex. The aggressive messages and maybe social media posts your ex wrote you in November will be used against you in court. If you can’t behave well, that’s your problem as people outside of mediation.
How willing the parent will let the other parent be involved in the child’s life is considered by the court. Respecting your child’s mother will help the court believe that you plan to keep room for her in your child’s life.
Hiring a Child Custody lawyer
Winning full custody for fathers is difficult. Lawyers, particularly those who specialize in father’s rights, are greatest for the job.
Not only do attorneys tend to know the law, they also probably have an idea of the personalities and preferences of the family court judges in your jurisdiction, which means they can present the evidence in a way the court will find favorable.
Do well in court
In Keep in mind that your behavior in court can influence whether you get full custody or only visitation rights. Be there on time, dress appropriately (dark suit and dress shoes), treat everybody in the courthouse with respect and don’t open your mouth out of turn.
Don’t count yourself out
Too many fathers are beaten before they ever reach the courtroom.
Don’t forget: The parent who shows they are best able to support the child’s needs is the one who gets custody of them. Compiling strong evidence may give you the confidence to persuade the judge you can handle full custody. Even if you are not granted full custody in a final order, you can request more time with the children or a change in custody at a later time.
Child custody cases the father won
There are some situations where fathers will be more likely to be awarded full custody. But you should not look at custody as something to “win.” Never fight for full custody if your motivation is to beat your ex. The most important thing is the health and wellness of your child.
A father who has served as the child’s primary caregiver is more likely to win full custody. The court wants the child to experience as little change as possible and will be more inclined to put them with the parent they know best.
If the mother is an unfit parent, due to alcohol, drugs, or because she has not sought help or treatment for her mental health or her common abuse of the child the father has a good chance of getting full custody. The father would have to demonstrate in court that giving custody to the mother would actually put the child at risk.
It may come down to availability children are deciding where to live. If the mother is working a lot or a busy work schedule the court could think that the dad has more time to devote to the child. With this, of course, the father would have to demonstrate that he’s someone who can take care of the child.
Take Action!
As a father battling for full custody of your child, preparation is the key. Follow the above listed suggestions, remain calm, be sensible, meet your obligations, and consult with a professional child custody attorney to discuss the facts of your case.
