Have you been faced with divorce?
If so, I bet you've heard some wild rumors about what happens during the process. Your friend who went through an ugly split years back probably told you horror stories. Your worrywart Aunt Karen lectures about how divorce ruined your cousin's life.
And I need to get started on daytime talk shows and reality TV. They make divorce seem like a crazy circus!
With so much gossip swirling around about divorce, it's tough to know fact from fiction. I want to clear up some common myths so you can make the best choices during this challenging transition.
Let's dive in!
Urban Legend 1: Cheating Means You Lose Everything
Infidelity is a leading cause of divorce.
There is no question it's devastating and signals the likely end of many marriages. When one spouse strays, it's natural for the betrayed partner to want revenge.
You've probably heard chatter at the salon or your book club that if your husband cheats, you can take him for everything he's got! The logic is that he broke vows, so you deserve the house, the bank accounts, full custody of the kids, and more. He loses everything; you win big. Sounds fair after betrayal.
Hold up, though - that's usually different from how it shakes out. Here's the reality:
New Mexico follows "no-fault" divorce laws. That means the reason behind the split, like adultery, typically doesn't impact who gets what in the final divorce decree. Unless cheating directly affects your joint money situation or the kids, it may not sway property division or custody much, if at all.
For instance, if your no-good spouse drained $50,000 from your savings to shower his young girlfriend with gifts, the court may compensate you by awarding more assets. Or, if he's drinking and partying late into the night with his latest fling and neglecting parental duties, custody could be affected.
But the act of infidelity alone doesn't mean you automatically get everything you ask for. As satisfying as that might feel after betrayal! You'll most likely divide marital assets equitably based on standard factors. Work closely with your divorce attorney to protect your rights, but curb expectations of using cheating like a blank check.
Urban Legend 2: You Must Divorce Where You Married
Remember your storybook wedding on the beaches of Hawaii? Or that charming inn nestled in the Vermont countryside that hosted your nuptials? When faced with divorce, your first assumption may be that you need to return to those locales to dissolve the marriage.
It makes sense in theory, but I have good news—where you said "I do," and where you ultimately split, you don't need to be in the same spot! Phew, there's no need to travel all the way to paradise just to sign papers!
You can file divorce paperwork here in the state where you live. Of course, residency requirements apply. In New Mexico, you must establish residency for at least six months before filing. But handling legal logistics locally is A-OK.
There is no need to trek cross-country or book a plane ticket to call it quits officially. Take care of ending your marriage close to home.
Urban Legend 3: The Mother Always Gets Custody
For ages, it seemed written in stone that mothers always get full custody of children in divorce. Moms knew best, so kids naturally stayed with them. Fathers got occasional visitation, aka every other weekend. Case closed.
However, custody determinations have improved dramatically in recent decades. Courts now strive to keep both parents involved in children's lives post-divorce whenever possible. Fathers have an equal shot at primary physical custody.
Rather than favoring one parent outright, the court's priority is the kids' best interests. Factors like who their primary caregiver has been, school stability, distance between parents' homes, and more come into play.
Dads don't unquestioningly accept you don't stand a chance in custody. Work with your lawyer to demonstrate why you deserve consideration. Moms don't assume you have an automatic maternal advantage - be ready to fight if the kids would fare better with you.
Urban Legend 4: Community Property Means a 50/50 Split
New Mexico adheres to community property laws. That means assets and debts acquired during your marriage are considered jointly owned.
When facing property division in divorce, you may expect everything to be split neatly down the middle. Seems fair enough.
If only it were that simple! An even 50/50 split is just the starting line. From there, courts adjust based on circumstances like:
- Length of marriage - The longer they are together, the more likely an equitable split. Shorter unions may divide things less evenly.
- Income disparities—Future earning potential is considered when calculating income disparity. The higher earner may receive less and the lower earner more.
- Health issues - If one spouse has pressing medical needs, they may receive a larger share.
- Childcare contributions - The hands-on parent may keep the house, for example.
- Misconduct - As noted earlier, hiding money can alter the scales.
Despite New Mexico's community property laws, dividing assets and debts involves many nuanced variables. Work with an experienced local divorce lawyer to understand your unique situation.
Urban Legend 5: Divorce Always Means Court
Pop culture paints divorce as a constant courtroom drama. Suits, ties, angry outbursts, judges banging gavels, fighting over the fine print - it's great for ratings!
While litigation happens, it's also avoidable in many cases. Options like mediation allow you to settle divorce details in a calmer, more cooperative fashion.
- Mediation - A neutral third party facilitates communication and compromise between you and your spouse. Great for couples who get along decently.
- Collaborative Divorce - Each of you has a collaboratively trained attorney present to guide negotiations constructively.
- Arbitration - Hire a private arbitrator to hear both sides and make binding decisions on all divorce matters. Faster and less formal than court.
- Uncontested - If you and your spouse agree on all terms, you can finalize divorce without ever going to court.
See, there are alternatives to duking it out before a judge! Consider paths that emphasize cooperation over confrontation. Court doesn't have to be the only choice.
Final Thoughts
Divorce comes surrounded by so many myths and stereotypes. From gossiping friends to biased family members, misinformation abounds.
Take everything you hear, even well-intentioned advice, with a grain of salt. Thoroughly educate yourself on the realities of divorce in New Mexico.
Sit down with us, then let’s clarify state laws and your options.
Disclaimer:
The content provided on this blog is for general informational purposes only and is not intended to constitute legal advice. Laws and regulations are complex, frequently subject to change, and may vary depending on jurisdiction. As such, readers should not act upon or rely on any information presented on this blog without first consulting with a qualified and licensed attorney who can address and tailor guidance to your unique legal circumstances.
