Divorce can be confusing and overwhelming, even when it’s happening under the best of circumstances. But when you’re up against a split from a violent, erratic partner, you need to know where you stand legally.
Meeting with a seasoned divorce attorney clarifies your rights and the ways you can protect yourself as matters unfold in a contested divorce.
An experienced attorney will be able to patiently answer questions and explain what to expect as each stage of a high-conflict contested divorce unfolds. They will know exactly the right documents and motions to file to keep the proceedings running smoothly. With an expert to advise you, you’ll know how to feel empowered navigating the process and not blindsided by it.
Equally important, a good attorney will be straight with you about what is realistically attainable and the best ways to avoid fighting. Realistic expectations help withavoiding further frustration in the future.
And, because we have been through many ugly chunks of split, we can predict what really rotten pitfalls you have to look out for with an irritated split partner, so you have a heads-up.
Know How the Court Will Look at Custody, Alimony, and Property Division
The court pays special attention to these issues in your high-conflict divorce case, so if you have children with your soon-to-be ex, have a significant income disparity, or jointly own substantial assets, your high-conflict divorce case will not be built upon these issues alone. Here are some typical results at a glance:
Child Custody
First and foremost, custody decisions made by family court judges consider what is in the child’s best’s interests and wellbeing.
The primary custodian parent will be determined over your stability in providing a home environment, financial support and emotional stability. If safety or neglect are in play, they trump all other considerations in their analysis.
Alimony
At times, the court may rule that one spouse should pay the other spousal support or alimony after their marriage ends.
Especially where there is a large income disparity, the court order is designed to address the recipient’s standard of living. Can the length of the marriage effect how long or how much alimony is granted?
Asset Division
The purpose is to divide all marital property fairly so both people can get on with their lives after divorce. It should be equitable based on need and future earnings potential, even though the division may not be 50/50.
Outcomes can differ from those in other high-conflict cases, but knowing some general expectations will assist you in doing so in your own high-conflict case. Consult your attorney.
When to Seek Legal Representation in High-Conflict Cases
When dealing with an aggressive, controlling and/or manipulative soon-to-be ex spouse during a divorce, it often seems like the battle is uphill. You are on high alert trying to protect yourself from their hostile aggression in words and actions. If this resonates, it is imperative to hire a lawyer who specializes in high-conflict cases to guide you through chaos.
A lawyer who is a pro at navigating contentious splits can be your lifeline each time tensions boil over. Whether it’s mediating a fight over vacation schedules or giving you advice before hitting send on that threatening email, they’ve got your back. You shouldn’t have to address every disagreement on your own.
Also, having a legal professional in your corner, advocating for your best interests, can be tremendously reassuring in an emotionally taxing time. And don’t hesitate to call on them at the first sign that anything is amiss. You’ll also feel more confidence in your decisions with a lawyer’s advice.
Plan a Positive Co-Parenting Strategy
Though co-parenting following a high conflict divorce may feel unlikely, beginning with appropriate methods establishes the atmosphere for success.
Discuss expectations openly, communicate schedules with calendars, and come to conclusions together about rules avoided so many headaches.
Explain to your ex why respectful negotiation is important for your kids. Emphasize that consistency and compromise make life easier for both parents. Aggregate Calendars: Share information on things like school events, medical appointments, birthdays, etc.
For most people, prioritizing the children, demonstrating grace under pressure, and representing themselves with dignity in the divorce ensures a healthy post-divorce environment. With maturity and patience from both partners, you can be an unified front when raising your children, despite past marital issues.
Understand Your Emotions throughout the Process
But those intense feelings that you have before and after a bitter breakup are real. It is the act of not shaming yourself to feel the anger, the grief, the anxiety, the sadness, the loss. Bottling up those feelings regarding your divorce only backfires.
Know that your mind and body are likely needing to process painful feelings, given changes in life circumstances. Release those feelings constructively, through exercise or conversing with close friends who will be sympathetic listeners.
While the hurt may feel never-ending, accepting your hurt feelings slowly pulls the power it has over you away. Believe that tomorrow will be a better day than today. Above all else be gentle and loving with yourself.
Take Care of Yourself through Support and Rest
You need to have tremendous resilience to tame that a high-conflict divorce. That’s why prioritizing self-care right now, is essential to your mental health.
Cultivate a network of empathetic folks you can lean on a little extra – best friends, family, even a divorce support group. They disconnect that feeling of loneliness with their reassurance that you aren’t alone.
Be sure to get enough sleep as this can improve your ability to cope with day to day stress. Evening wind-down rituals build your emotional reserves, too. Renewed energy helps you be active for good.
Urgently, you need to not put yourself in the backseat – you are the main event. How would you treat a loved one in this situation? You deserve that.
Establish Definitive Lines with your Ex
Especially after an intense breakup, it’s important to have clear boundaries when it comes to your dealings with your ex-spouse to avoid any miscommunication later on.
Clearly communicate preferred forms and frequency of contact. Aim for agreement on major parenting or financial choices. Honor court orders regarding support payments, division of assets, etc.
Your post-divorce relationship setting some unmistakable boundaries will only help both of you in the long run. They move you away from pointless battles and toward acceptance of the shifts.
Practice Healthy Coping Strategies
High-conflict divorces tend to have frequent arguments and flare-ups. And then responding judiciously, when tensions inevitably surface, can have a huge impact.”
Remain calm, hear it all out and be open minded during disagreements – even when tempers flare. Emotional cool off periods before revisiting a sensitive issue. Find reasonable compromises. Express your opinion without being disrespectful.
You staying calm gives an excellent example of handling conflicts for any kids involved. Not getting into petty disputes allows for healing to happen faster, enabling you to move forward with your life in a healthy way.
Seeking Outside Assistance from a Therapist or Mediator
During some difficult times for a couple facing divorce, bringing in the support of a professional third party can be a lifeline. A seasoned therapist offers a safe space to either process conflicting feelings or strategize your response to toxic behaviors on behalf of your ex. Discussing frustrations with an unaware therapist provides valuable perspective.
Similarly, the intervention of a mediator is vital when you’ve hit a stalemate on the major issues with your ex. With a neutral third party mediating, you’re more likely to get through disagreement without devolving into a fight.
Your capacity to transcend chaos is fortified by getting impartial expertise. Seek it out.
Prioritize Self-Care and Seek Support
It is fair to say, leaving a volatile marriage marked by a high conflict divorce process comes at a great emotional cost. Long after the breakup, you will labor through contentious interactions with your hostile ex-spouse.
This is exactly why your well-being needs to be priority number one today. Know your legal rights like a lawyer. Build a network of support. Learn to cope with the surge in health and develop healthy strategies to weather the storm ahead.
With the right plan, and the right help in your corner, you will get through this and come through the other side better.
FAQs
What can I do legally if my ex keeps breaking my divorce agreement?
If your high-conflict ex consistently disobeys court orders or fails to abide by the provisions of your divorce settlement, do not sit in silence, hoping against hope that they will. You can take legal steps to enforce the agreements and to protect yourself. First, peacefully communicate in writing any violations and request they remedy.
When problems crop up, your divorce lawyer can request a contempt motion where you show how your ex violates orders. A contempt motion forces them to justify their failure to comply to a judge who can punish for noncompliance through fines or other measures to encourage compliance.
In extreme and rare cases, your lawyer may petition the court to amend the orders to include stronger enforcement provisions. Furthermore, the secret is in acting ahead of time, recording all infraction details while empowering your lawyer to help you make the anteroom legal way out of the dilemma. Be wary of a querulous ex who can derail the divorce terms.
If tensions with my ex are hurting my kids during our high-conflict divorce, what can I do?
Once hostile dynamics between divorcing parents begin to create challenges in the lives of the children, it becomes critical to remain focused on quickly restoring their well-being. If your ex frequently involves the kids in disputes, or exposes them to angry conflicts, consult your divorce lawyer or therapist about productive ways to intervene.
They can help you ask your ex to go to therapy, counseling, or therapy for their co-parenting behavior. If this looks harmful to the health and safety of your kids, talk to him or her about seeking increased protections, perhaps supervised visitation, through the courts.
What’s most important is shielding your children from the consequences of high-conflict couplings. With the proper assistance, you can minimize distress and reaffirm that the kids come first, no matter what.
What can I do to make sure my children are prepared for changes that are to come during a high-conflict divorce?
If a contentious split brings major changes to your children’s lives, help them adjust through open communication, honesty and extra nurturing. Use basic language to explain relocations, schools changes or custody schedule changes.
Assure them they will continue to be loved and supported equally by both parents as you both move into separate homes. Keep routines like reading bedtime stories where you can, for steadiness.
Address concerns by listening and dealing complicated feelings that exist every day. If you find behavioral changes such as acting out or withdrawn, seek out counseling to assist them in coping. Your gentle reminders that this is all do to your marital woes, and nothing the kids did, will help to reassure them.
